• Conflict in Relationships - Facebook Live Transcript

    Conflict in Relationships - Facebook Live Transcript

    I think making a commitment to yourself to be as honest as you can with yourself is the kindest and most courageous thing you can do. You're still going to be blind. There are just so many things we often just can't see. They're so cohesive in our mind that we don't see our own liabilities, especially if they were played out in our families of origin; they're so normalized that you don't see them as liabilities. Getting married helps you to see more of what you don't yet see about yourself. What's the feedback I get? What are the things I often am trying to get away from? What is it that my spouse or my child or my friend sees in me that I keep thinking I'm sneaking or getting away from? It's not a perfect process, but it's a very valuable process if you have the courage to think that way and to process information that way. Also, going to a good third party, somebody that's wise enough to look at you. I think the best coaching and therapy happens in marriage because the context of the marriage is very exposing about where each person is operating from and how their mind operates, rather than self-report. Because we go and self-report, we often just offer the best interpretation of ourselves that there is. We do it instinctively. We self-dilute in this way. To be able to really see who you are when you're in the crunch, when you're under pressure from somebody that's significant to you, that shows a lot more about how you operate. And so a smart, wise third party that can have a higher view of what is the actual system that's operating, and can often give both people more clarity about who they really are, who their spouse really is, and what the pattern is that they keep repeating. It frees them up to choose otherwise though it takes a ton of courage to do that.

    Integrity, Listening, Marriage, Self-Confrontation
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  • How to Choose More Happiness

    How to Choose More Happiness

    Monica Packer: I'm so honored to have Jennifer back. If you don't know her, well, hang tight. You're going to have your mind blown so much. This is who Jennifer is.  Dr. Finlayson-Fife: I'm Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. I am a psychotherapist that works primarily with couples and individuals around relationship and sexuality issues. I also do a lot of teaching, both online courses and also in workshops around the country. I also do a lot of podcasting and public speaking.  Monica Packer: And my version of your intro is that you changed my life and I think you've changed thousands of...

    Gratitude, Integrity, Marriage, Motherhood, Self-Confrontation, Sense of Self, Transcripts of Podcasts
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  • Developing Emotional Maturity

    Developing Emotional Maturity

    Preston Pugmire: On the podcast today we have Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. She is a licensed psychotherapist and she specializes in relationship and sexuality counseling. She primarily works with LDS couples. I first came to know about her through listening to her on other podcasts. And actually, me and my wife have bought her courses and love, love, love her work. So, Jennifer, thank you for coming on the podcast today.  Jennifer Finlayson-Fife: Thanks for having me. My pleasure.  Preston Pugmire: So just kind of introduce yourself a little bit, even though I already did. But tell...

    Agency, Perfectionism, Self-Confrontation, Sense of Self, Transcripts of Podcasts
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  • Differing Views, Beliefs, and Perspectives Part I - Podcast Transcript

    Differing Views, Beliefs, and Perspectives Part I - Podcast Transcript

    “Are you willing to understand another view even as it pressures and challenges your view?” - Dr. Finlayson-Fife   Sherrae Phelps: In an interview I had with Dr. Finlayson-Fife in November 2017, she talked about an experience she had with her brother when they were at college together. Here’s her account from that interview:  Dr. Finlayson-Fife: Are you willing to understand another view even as it pressures and challenges your view?  For example, when I was at BYU, my brother was reading a lot of church history as he was going through a faith crisis. He wanted to talk about it an...

    Faith, Integrity, Listening, Self-Confrontation, Transcripts of Podcasts
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  • Facing The Truth

    Facing The Truth

    Something I've been thinking about this week is that fragility in people is often difficult to track. Sometimes friends and neighbors look like they have everything together when in fact there is real limitation lurking below the surface. Those of us who are focused on a palatable exterior, who avoid conflict or even gravitate to convention out of fear, often look stronger and more "together" than they are. The glossy surface may look like strength, but in fact is a sign of limitation.  Painting the ideal picture is often an attempt to get away from what is real, because what is re...

    Anxiety, Faith, Integrity, Self-Confrontation
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  • What It Means to "Do Your Best"

    What It Means to "Do Your Best"

    I’ve been thinking lately about what it means to “do your best”. The reality is that we are inherently flawed and have a limited understanding of our own and others’ motivations. This impairs our ability to always do what is best or wise. There’s no getting around this. Additionally, we all have a narrative of who we are that makes our choices make sense to us, but that often are destructive to ourselves and/or others. This makes repetition of our limited choices easy, and meaningful development hard. My work is helping people see what they can’t yet see about themselves (and others),...

    Agency, Integrity, Perfectionism, Self-Confrontation
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