• Conflict in Relationships - Facebook Live Transcript

    Conflict in Relationships - Facebook Live Transcript

    I think making a commitment to yourself to be as honest as you can with yourself is the kindest and most courageous thing you can do. You're still going to be blind. There are just so many things we often just can't see. They're so cohesive in our mind that we don't see our own liabilities, especially if they were played out in our families of origin; they're so normalized that you don't see them as liabilities. Getting married helps you to see more of what you don't yet see about yourself. What's the feedback I get? What are the things I often am trying to get away from? What is it that my spouse or my child or my friend sees in me that I keep thinking I'm sneaking or getting away from? It's not a perfect process, but it's a very valuable process if you have the courage to think that way and to process information that way. Also, going to a good third party, somebody that's wise enough to look at you. I think the best coaching and therapy happens in marriage because the context of the marriage is very exposing about where each person is operating from and how their mind operates, rather than self-report. Because we go and self-report, we often just offer the best interpretation of ourselves that there is. We do it instinctively. We self-dilute in this way. To be able to really see who you are when you're in the crunch, when you're under pressure from somebody that's significant to you, that shows a lot more about how you operate. And so a smart, wise third party that can have a higher view of what is the actual system that's operating, and can often give both people more clarity about who they really are, who their spouse really is, and what the pattern is that they keep repeating. It frees them up to choose otherwise though it takes a ton of courage to do that.

    Integrity, Listening, Marriage, Self-Confrontation
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  • Differing Views, Beliefs, and Perspectives Part I - Podcast Transcript

    Differing Views, Beliefs, and Perspectives Part I - Podcast Transcript

    “Are you willing to understand another view even as it pressures and challenges your view?” - Dr. Finlayson-Fife   Sherrae Phelps: In an interview I had with Dr. Finlayson-Fife in November 2017, she talked about an experience she had with her brother when they were at college together. Here’s her account from that interview:  Dr. Finlayson-Fife: Are you willing to understand another view even as it pressures and challenges your view?  For example, when I was at BYU, my brother was reading a lot of church history as he was going through a faith crisis. He wanted to talk about it an...

    Faith, Integrity, Listening, Self-Confrontation, Transcripts of Podcasts
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  • The Importance of Listening

    The Importance of Listening

    I despair sometimes at the profound divisions in our country and how much difficulty we seem to have in healing them. Our political divisions are deeper and seemingly more entrenched than ever. And in the face of George Floyd’s murder and the ensuing demonstrations against police abuses, it seems that hatred and division might consume us. What does it take to create meaningful peace? How do we create peace in a diverse and often discordant society? This challenge seems all the more overwhelming when most of us struggle to create peace in our most important relationships. The ease w...

    Agency, Listening, Love
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