Sherrae Phelps: In Michael Wilcox's book, “What Seek Ye?” he wrote, "I have discovered after 70 years of life that we all get hard sayings from time to time. Jesus knew in himself that his disciples murmured, and he said unto them, 'Doth this offend you?' Often when our own hard sayings come, we are offended and we answer that question affirmatively. 'Yes, Lord, in truth, I am offended.' There is nothing wrong in answering that question honestly. Above all, God wants our honesty from us. It's okay to be offended at times. It's what we do when we feel that way that matters." This is Sher...
I think making a commitment to yourself to be as honest as you can with yourself is the kindest and most courageous thing you can do. You're still going to be blind. There are just so many things we often just can't see. They're so cohesive in our mind that we don't see our own liabilities, especially if they were played out in our families of origin; they're so normalized that you don't see them as liabilities. Getting married helps you to see more of what you don't yet see about yourself. What's the feedback I get? What are the things I often am trying to get away from? What is it that my spouse or my child or my friend sees in me that I keep thinking I'm sneaking or getting away from? It's not a perfect process, but it's a very valuable process if you have the courage to think that way and to process information that way. Also, going to a good third party, somebody that's wise enough to look at you. I think the best coaching and therapy happens in marriage because the context of the marriage is very exposing about where each person is operating from and how their mind operates, rather than self-report. Because we go and self-report, we often just offer the best interpretation of ourselves that there is. We do it instinctively. We self-dilute in this way. To be able to really see who you are when you're in the crunch, when you're under pressure from somebody that's significant to you, that shows a lot more about how you operate. And so a smart, wise third party that can have a higher view of what is the actual system that's operating, and can often give both people more clarity about who they really are, who their spouse really is, and what the pattern is that they keep repeating. It frees them up to choose otherwise though it takes a ton of courage to do that.
The following is an article published in the Winter 2014 issue of the Exponent II Magazine: The topic of modesty has been getting a lot of attention in LDS circles recently. Whether provoked by the BYU student who infamously challenged his co-ed for her supposed immodest dress last year or the recent Friend article depicting a young girl prompted by the Spirit not to buy a sleeveless shirt, members of the Church are grappling with questions around the impact and legitimacy of these cultural messages. As a couples’ therapist who works primarily with marital sexuality and desire, I believe...
Riley Risto: It's our great pleasure to welcome LDS counselor and coach Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. Jennifer, we're so glad to have you on the program. Jennifer specializes in fostering couples in their intimate relationships. We've been talking about doing an episode on the Divine Feminine. But one thing always slowed us down. What is that? Christopher Hertado: We needed a feminine guest, a female guest. We just don't have the authority to talk about this. It's just not how it works. Riley Risto: Just having the input and perspective of a female is really important for us, and...
Some people have written in expressing concern about this week's Come Follow Me lesson in which we address our beliefs about polygamy. In my work with Latter-day Saint women, it is clear how many women privately and quietly struggle over this topic. Our collective understanding that God ordained polygamy historically and, on a more personal level, believing that polygamy might be a part of our future, points to a troubling view of God, and more specifically how God views women relative to men. This is the meaning that many women have suffered under. Many clients of mine have feared that i...
This live is a follow up from the live we did in November, where I was talking about overcoming resentment in marriage. Several people in the group asked about how you overcome the feelings of resentment that you might have about ways that you felt you were inducted into false ideas, either through church culture or family culture that really limited your life, shaped your choices, but perhaps in ways that are hard to support or feel good about now. These aren’t easy topics, and I’m going to be trying to give you some of my best thoughts about how to think about this, how you overcome this, ho...
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