Rob and Stef

In this final conversation with Dr. Finlayson-Fife, Rob and Stef look back on the years of work they’ve done together and share how applying what they’ve learned has shaped their relationship and opened up new possibilities.

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Rob and Stef see how subtle control and hidden expectations continue to shape their sexual dynamic. She teaches that the path to greater connection is for them to let go of the goal, drop the pressure, and focus on simply being present and enjoying each other.

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Rob and Stef recognize just how powerful self-regulation can be. She teaches that each partner taking up their part, handling their own emotions, and staying solid within themselves, is what creates the freedom and ease that desire and eros need to flourish.

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife help Rob and Stef to step back and recognize the impact of these patterns. Rob’s pressure, even when cloaked in helpfulness, erodes trust. Stef’s acquiescence, though intended to preserve peace, only deepens the divide. Both are avoiding discomfort rather than calming themselves enough to genuinely show up.

At the end of their last session, Dr. Finlayson-Fife encouraged Rob and Stef to spend intentional time together each night “settling in”—no phones, no shows, no pressure. Just the simple act of lying beside each other, calming their own hearts and minds, and creating space to connect. But what sounds simple on paper proves deeply challenging in practice. In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Rob and Stef unpack what their experience with the exercise reveals about their long-standing relational dynamic. Rob tries to regulate his anxiety by moving toward connection; Stef manages hers by pulling away. It’s a pursuing-distancing pattern they both know well—and one that quietly undermines the closeness they long for. Dr. Jennifer teaches that intimacy doesn’t come from pressuring or retreating, but from self-regulation and finding peace within ourselves before we connect with our partner.

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Rob and Stef unpack the subtle but persistent ways they try to manage each other rather than reveal themselves. Rob pressures for connection—hinting at discontent rather than self-revealing. Stef feels pressured and distances in response in order to maintain her sense of self. The result is a self-reinforcing loop where each feels like a disappointment to the other, rather than desired.

At the end of their last session, Dr. Finlayson-Fife encouraged Rob and Stef to review the “feeling while touching” exercise found in the Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course. During their final interview, Rob and Stef share their experience of working through the “Feeling While Touching” exercise over the past few weeks—what was difficult, what went well, and what they learned about themselves and the relationship in the process. Rob and Stef also discuss what they have experienced over the past year while working with Dr. Finlayson-Fife, observing how they’ve operated in painful but familiar narratives that have limited their growth and connection. But they are full of hope as they can now see a far more productive path forward. They’ve muscled through a lot of discomfort over the past year as they’ve pushed themselves to show up more honestly and open-heartedly in their marriage–but the reward has been worth every effort. They know there will be missteps along the way, but Rob and Stef are committed to continuing on this productive and hopeful path.

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Stef to see how she can step more wholeheartedly into her emotional and sexual relationship with Rob and talks through the importance of friendship, genuine reciprocity, and honest investment in happy and fulfilling relationships.

Last week our annual subscribers were invited to participate in a live Q&A session with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. This week, we are sharing the recording of the Q&A session as our newest Room for Two episode! This powerful discussion focused on the topics addressed during the Rob and Stef Series -- control, victimhood, self-confrontation, and more!

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife walks Rob and Stef into the masking and manipulation they each participate in around sex. During the conversation, Stef wakes up to the ways she has been manipulative and demeaning of Rob. She begins to see the negative impact her covert control has had on Rob and their relationship. Stef’s courageous acknowledgment is a hopeful sign that Rob and Stef are a couple capable of the honesty and self-confrontation necessary for meaningful change.

It’s been six months since Rob and Stef’s last meeting with Dr. Finlayson-Fife, and in that time, each has had time to wake up more to their roles in their marital struggles. Rob has recognized that his superiority has been contributing to Stef’s distrust and defensiveness and Stef can more clearly see that she needs to strengthen her ability to hold onto her own mind while in conflict with Rob. As hopeful as these improvements are, the couple often finds themselves slipping into old patterns. And Stef, in particular, is feeling fatigued by the repetitiveness of the struggle. In this episode of Room for Two, Rob and Stef dive into what they have learned about themselves and Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps them dissect their continued difficulties while teaching them how to better hold onto themselves while in connection with each other.

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife explores the dynamics playing out in Rob and Stef’s dialogues. It is clear that, under pressure, Rob and Stef both easily slip into the one-up/one-down dynamic that they are familiar with—Rob using control as a way to get validation, and Stef distancing and walling off. These roles are equally dependent and recurring, keeping the couple stuck in an endless cycle of validation-pursuit. Dr. Finlayson-Fife teaches that the key to unhooking from this entangled dependency is to show more compassion for their own flaws and to bring more honesty and intimacy to the table, even when this dysregulates the system and the other.