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What is the normal amount of times to have sex per week? What does it mean if I want to have sex 4x per week and my wife wants to have it once?

According to some research reported by the Kinsey Institute, 13 percent of married couples reported having sex a few times per year, 45 percent reported a few times per month, 34 percent reported 2-3 times per week, and 7 percent reported four or more times per week. (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).

That said, what matters in determining what is the right amount of sex to be having is entirely dependent upon what you desire and what your wife desires. For example, I work with a couple who is having sex 3-4x week and they are both miserable because this is far to seldom for one of them. On the other hand, I work with another couple who is having sex 2-3x/month. This suits what they each desire. In spite of the difference in frequency, the first couple has a sexual problem, and the second couple does not.

If you are wanting sex more than your wife is, what it means is that the two of you have an issue to be resolved---not by determining who has the “right” level of desire and who has the “wrong” level (a tact taken by many), but instead by finding a way to better attend to and respect the needs of one another---just as we ought to do relative to any difference encountered in marriage. While there are many elements to be addressed and understood when there are differences in desire within a couple, the simple answer is to communicate and accommodate both ways. Too often in my experience, one person's needs are being addressed in the sexual relationship and the other person's are not. This is untenable. If one person is miserable (getting far less sex than they want or far more than they want), then for the sake of the overall relationship, the sexual relationship needs to be fundamentally addressed.

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