January 22, 2017 Office Hour Recording

0:12Introduction and Instructions for Office Hours
2:05I am a "costly accommodator" in that I easily yield to what others want from me. How can I better develop who I am? This is foreign to me, particularly when I am with others with strong personalities. I tend to just pull away from them to hold onto myself. Any advice on how I can better at this? *
12:34I am gay and married. In my effort to follow church principles, I married a straight woman. It is difficult for me to be with her intimately but I love her and want to be a family. Do you have any advice for me?
21:42We've been married 10 years. I am the lower desire partner, but my husband doesn't like to initiate. He has the idea that women don't like sex, he is shy, and he doesn't want to be the dominant or demanding one. I am not an unwilling participant, but I do much better when he is doing the inviting or helping me get in the mood. Do you have some ideas about how we can shift this dynamic?
32:47I was taught after going through the temple that I should put my garments on as soon as possible after sex. This has always frustrated my husband because he would like to sleep naked together. Not putting them on makes me feel guilty, but I feel like something sacred has become a kind of a barrier between us.
37:25I've been married about 12 years to my fascinating, beautiful wife. I have very high desire while she is lower desire, modest, private, and reserved. When it comes to sex, she is willing, but often it's sex that she wants to get through quickly. It's not passionate. She climaxes quickly and wants minimal foreplay. It bothers me that her OBGYN gets more access to her body than I do. This dynamic is killing me. What advice do you have?
49:39My husband wishes I would dress in a more sexy way. This makes me feel like he only wants me for sex and not for my intellect. He also asks me to have sex about 6x week. I wish it were less frequent and more passionate but he doesn't want me to set any limits. He gets really "hurt" when I turn him down and so I give him quickies. How can we shift this pattern?
57:46My spouse and I have been highly involved in church service through the years. Our oldest two sons are currently inactive. When this happened a few years ago, we grew apart. During this time, my wife had an emotional affair which she has since ended. My wife also only comes to orgasm with a vibrator, and the sexual pattern between us is very static and boring. I struggle with the feeling that I do not excite my wife, and I still carry in my heart the way I saw her flirt with the other guy. She shuts down anything outside the routine, she also communicates very little in our sexual interactions. As a result I have shut down sexually and avoid it.
1:13:18 I could have sex every night and my wife would be fine with never having it. We come from very conservative homes with little conversation about sex. My wife has had some difficulty achieving an orgasm. She often begins to build momentum but often loses it. Any advice? Also how do we create more novelty in our relationship without creating resentment in the other person?
1:21:18 Where does my sexuality end and my spouse's sexuality begin? Am I being offensive if I am asking to pleasure my wife in a particular way? I think I take control too often in intimacy, telling her what I want. I want more input from my spouse, but I'm not sure she wants to give it. Any advice?
1:25:46 How do we move beyond past hurts? I grew up in a non-demonstrative family and my husband's love language is physical touch. Through the years, we had limited intimacy and high focus on church callings, etc. Three years ago I was diagnosed with HPV. My husband claims that this was from a relationship before our marriage that he'd never disclosed. Viagra also showed up in the mail that I knew nothing about and he disclosed an emotional affair. We haven't had sex in a year and he says it is because of past "shaming" of him. There are huge trust issues between us and I don't know how to move forward. Any advice?
1:34:25 We purchased your courses and my wife doesn't seem to be interested in going through them. She has expressed very plainly that sex makes her feel objectified and she has no interest in it. I think the materials in your course are excellent, but what do I do if my wife doesn't want to focus on our relationship?
1:39:07 Can you elaborate more on the idea of our body being essential to spiritual development, and sexuality central to spiritual development? I learned the idea growing up that the spirit has to conquer the body. Isn't that true? If you talk more about this it might help me get clearer on what i think about this.
1:43:19 I have heard you say that undermining a woman's relationship to her body will undermine her strength and wisdom. I can see how a better relationship with your sexuality can create a better marriage, but not a better relationship with yourself. Can you say more about this?

Podcast referenced in my response to the first question: