February 18, 2017 Office Hour Recording

Relationships Topics

Full recording of the February 18 office hour for discussion of questions and themes related to the course content of Strengthening your Relationship and How to Talk to your Kids about Sex.

Play the above recording to listen to the February 18 Relationship Office Hour from start to finish.

Each question in the above recording has also been extracted into separate segments below for easier browsing.

Note that the content is the same. There is nothing in the above recording that is not also found below, and vice versa.

This first segment includes an announcement of future events and describes the expansion of and changes to the Office Hours program to accommodate the increasing number of questions.

My husband has consistently made decisions without my agreement / consent that affect me (e.g..,large purchases, looking at pornography). I tend to tell him I disagree but then go quiet, and he does whatever he wants. This makes me resentful, and makes me not trust him or like him. We want to have a better relationship. How do I overcome my betrayal trauma and distrust?

The web site hosting Jennifer's selfhood podcast interview is down.  Jennifer recommends podcasts on related topics. The Perfectionism podcast she mentioned can be found here.  The "Art of Belonging" here. Both links open in a new browser window.

Note: The audio is choppy for about 15 seconds starting at 0:38.  That's in the recording.  Your Internet connection is fine, so don't bang on your cable modem.

Update (Feb 26, 2017): FMH sent me the audio file of the selfhood podcast, which I have uploaded to the blog post here.

When taking the art of desire course, I resonated very much with the ideas around selfhood. If my mom made me responsible for her feelings, and acted often like a victim, how do I make sure I don't replicate her choices with my own children?

How do I change this pattern with my mom (and sister)? They obligate me and I manage a lot of the relationship. Because of this, I have taken a step back from the relationship but it makes me feel guilty. I want to be close to them but I fear I have to regress to my old position in the relationship to do it. Do I need to be okay with this new normal? How do I handle that they will vilify me in response?

My question is related to a response you gave to a question last month. You suggested an adult child of the questioner may be taking comfort in living out a negative self-concept. Thinking on this, I have become more aware of my inclination to live down to a negative identity. My mother obligates people to her and is a victim. I don't want to imitate her life. But on the other hand, I am afraid of living a better life than my mom. I think my perfectionism also keeps me stuck. Can you help me make sense of this?

If I realize I don't trust my husband (following a drawn out affair), what do I do? Do I just have to tolerate that fact until he's earned it back? How do I distinguish between old reactive fear / distrust vs. tracking his deception or lack of trustworthiness now?

I have given a lot to my husband to accommodate his desires but he doesn't give to me. Given his selfishness, i was frustrated and had an affair. I admitted this to him and he also admitted to me that he has had an affair. Our relationship is completely empty now. We have four children and we are miserable. Is there any hope?

My husband says he does not love me anymore and doesn't desire me. I don't want to lose our family, but I want to be wanted and want to choose someone who chooses me. My husband says he chooses me now, but the relationship is not getting better. Is love something you choose? What can I do?

Is it poor judgment to stay with someone who says he doesn't love me anymore but doesn't want a divorce?